A serodiscordant
relationship is one in which one partner is HIV positive and one partner is HIV
negative. As one can imagine couples
such as these face many challenges such as overcoming the knowledge of infidelity,
deciding to maintain a relationship, determining what level of sexual activity
will be ok for themselves and the knowledge that practicing safer sex by use of
condoms will significantly reduce the risk of transmission of HIV to the
negative partner, but not eliminate it. Other difficulties can include issues
that may arise when one partner is sick, such as caregiver burnout and
financial burdens.
Godfrey (56)and
Pauline (48) Mtonga of Lusaka, Zambia are one couple that has managed to
maintain their relationship despite these challenges. “We have been married 32 years,” Godfrey
proudly stated, “and have eleven children and eight grandchildren.” Godfrey found out his HIV positive status on
May 14th 1994. He was encouraged by Paulina to go for HIV testing
together. When they tested they were given their partners results to present to
each other. Pauline stated she felt
very “annoyed in her heart” when she learned of Godfrey’s results. Pauline was negative and Godfrey was positive.
“The first week
was very bad for us. “ Godfrey recalls. “The counselor came to visit us the very
next day.” They stated that through the
counseling the couple decided they should not get divorced and learn how to
live as husband and wife. “They continue
to have a sexual relationship with each other with the use of condoms. They are
able to get condoms at a nearby clinic. The couple did however, have 4 children
after Godfrey learned of his status. Pauline remained HIV negative and so are
the children.
Godfrey’s brothers,
sisters and children know his status and are supportive of him especially when
he becomes ill. “ The children often go and pick up my medicine for me.” He started anteretrovirals (ARV’s) in 2002 at
a time when he became quite ill. His CD4 count was 450. He has had no side
effects from the medicine and states that he has been fairly healthy. Pauline
encourages him to take his medicine when he forgets. He did stop taking his
ARV’s for a period of approximately 8 months in 2011, while he was away from
home working. He became quite ill with
TB and was hospitalized, treated for TB and has since restarted his ARV’s. The
illness and lack of work has put a financial strain on the family and every day
Godfrey is looking for some small job. “At my age it is difficult to find work.
“
Godfrey and Pauline
have shared their story at the US embassy and with hundreds of listeners at
Catholic missions. They have talked to other HIV positive people and helped
educate them on how to live with HIV. Godfrey worked as a community worker for
ZERHP and encouraged people to get tested. His words of advice are to “get
tested, and know your status.” If you
are positive, “love each other and take your medicine at the right time.”
“I have lived 19 years positive and they (HIV + people)
should not lose hope. Life is there!”
Godfrey Mtonga
